Tuesday, December 07, 2010

I Am Losing My Mind ( Or Did I Ever Have One? ) - December 7, 2010

I Am Losing My Mind ( Or Did I Ever Have One? ) - December 7, 2010

I am supremely frustrated, now that my date to move from this house has been set
( the end of February ).  There is so much to do, so many things to throw away, much
 that I treasure and want to keep but where will I put it?  The items my sons call "junk"
mean something to me but they just do't understand.  I look at some of these - gifts from
friends over the years, strawberry and elephant mementos they've lovingly sent to me that
moved me to tears and do now, as I ponder giving them to Goodwill or assigning them to
the garbage.  I just cannot rid myself of these treasures, even if I must put them away in
storage and bring a few out at a time to comfort me in my new life and new space.
I may be in my van for awhile, or just rent a room somewhere until my financial situation
recovers a bit so that I can find a small apartment.  Then I can surround myself with the
objects that have meant so much to most of my life.

I'm not foolish enough to keep everything.  Some things I've given away and it hasn't
been hard atall.   Some, I liked at the time but they aren't tugging at my heart now.  Off
they go to Goodwill  where I hope someone will enjoy them as I once did.  But this
so-called "junk" that three young men sneer at derisively, stitched lovingly by my dearest
friend of almost 45 years, a tiny elephant purchased for me in Covent Grden by a beloved
forensic nurse colleague ( now a PhD ) when we were on a trip to England, antique
elephants and strawberries sent to me by the wonderful couple I always stay with when
I visit England - these things are as dear to me as gold and I can't let them go.  Once I
finally make my departure from this earth, the boys will just have to get a dumpster and
enjoy tossing it all in with a hearty heave ho.  Sorry, kids, your old mom just isn't ready yet.

To show you how preoccupied all this moving stress is making me, I really goofed this
morning.  I was up early to take Jeremy to the train and had reached in the van to put
the key in the ignition., turning it and the heater on.  Somehow, I must have locked it
and didn't even notice the beep indicating that because the radio was blaring.  I went to
get my travel of coffee to find the van locked, keys inside and, of course we couldn't
locate the second set of keys.  Jeremy was not pleased and took off on the freeway
on his friend's motorcycle.  Thankfully, the CA Automobile Association arrived in
about fifteen minutes and, within one minute, had opened the door.  It's kind of scary
how quickly someone can get into your car.

My apologies because this is so totally disorganized - kind of like me right now.  I've
been sadly remiss about responding to comments.  I'll try to get to them as I so
appreciate hearing from all of you.I'm not a Scrooge but Christmas isn't high on the
agenda this year but I am sending warm and loving thoughts to all of you at this special season.


  1. Carmen, that is quite a life changing situation, and I can feel your confusion, frustration, and all. It's not easy, I'm sure! Just hang in there, when push comes to shove, you'll know exactly what to do..I have a few years left before I'll get to this point..but not looking forward to it either.

  2. Anonymous4:35 PM

    Much patience and strength for you !

    Moving into another country six years ago, forced me to 'make fit a whole life into a suitcase'; an entry much felt. Please have a good Wednesday.

    daily athens

  3. I know this must be very stressful. Don't feel guilty about keeping the pieces that are so special to you. You'll get it figured out!

  4. Keep up that mentality - just because they don't see it as the treasure that it is, doesn't mean it's not!

    Also, in this stressful, disorganized time, don't forget the most important thing --- ::just breathe::

    & if all else fails, sit for a while & just think about being back in India someday --- and perhaps we'll be there at the same time to have a chat and a chai!

    Be well.

  5. My best wishes for you, I want you to continut getting energy and force of the small details that belong you.



    [Barcelona Daily Photo]

  6. i have moved a few times in my life and it wasn't always easy. somethings we need to let go, somethings we keep. whatever you do-don't lose your sense of humor. may the force be with you.:p

  7. Hi Carmen, hope everything will be fine. Best wishes for you.

    Hugs and kisses,

  8. Things are tough for you at the moment aren't they Carmen? When things are so bad you have to bring things down to "one day at a time". Hand your life over to the care of God as you understand him. Don't spoil this beautiful day because you are worrying about tomorrow. And believe me Carmen, I've been there, done that, so I know your anguish. Love, Ann xx

  9. I've moved house so many times and believe me it gets no easier. Just take it one step at a time. It will happen and you will get through it, I promise. And we'll all be here waiting for you.

  10. I find life transitions particularly difficult during the end of the year. It's so easy to look back and not forward, actually it's encouraged. I know it will all come together for you. :)