Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Politically Correct Christmas

A Politically Correct Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the
North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the
Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".

To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due
workers compensation.

So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...


I have no idea who wrote this - I wish I could claim credit for it!  I just received it in an email from a dear forensic nursing colleague in Puerto Rico.  I haven't seen her in such a long time since our paths usually cross at our forensic nursing conferences and, since my job loss, I wasn't able to go to our national conference in Atlanta in October.  I'm so fortunate my friends don't abandon me and stay in touch.  I thought  a little brevity might be in order this evening so I'm forwarding this poem on to you, my newest friends - and blessed am I to have you!


  1. My dearest Carmen never will you be forgotten,

    Merry Christmas!!

  2. Jolly Holidays-I enjoy your choices!

  3. I so enjoyed this merry piece - and so true in its gentle sarcasm, too!

    A big hug and many warm wishes with Christmas, dear Carmen! I'm looking forward to a new year of company in the blogosphere :)

  4. Anonymous2:24 AM

    Visited ur blog for the first time and found this piece very interesting.

    I've already bookmarked ur blog and shall be returning soon.

  5. Carmen you might life but I can't even see the word forensic without thinking about you.

    Merry Christmas.

    Love Renee xoxoxo

  6. Cute story line, but your meter is much better. Merry Christmas!

  7. You're right, I so needed to read this..It brought smiles to my face.

    Have a blessed Holidays, Carmen!

  8. Carmen, Merry Christmas!! Come by later for Special tea & the Margiedales have a nice gift for you.