I Am Losing My Mind ( Or Did I Ever Have One? ) - December 7, 2010

I Am Losing My Mind ( Or Did I Ever Have One? ) - December 7, 2010

I am supremely frustrated, now that my date to move from this house has been set

( the end of February ).  There is so much to do, so many things to throw away, much

 that I treasure and want to keep but where will I put it?  The items my sons call "junk"

mean something to me but they just do't understand.  I look at some of these - gifts from

friends over the years, strawberry and elephant mementos they've lovingly sent to me that

moved me to tears and do now, as I ponder giving them to Goodwill or assigning them to

the garbage.  I just cannot rid myself of these treasures, even if I must put them away in

storage and bring a few out at a time to comfort me in my new life and new space.

I may be in my van for awhile, or just rent a room somewhere until my financial situation

recovers a bit so that I can find a small apartment.  Then I can surround myself with the

objects that have meant so much to most of my life.

I'm not foolish enough to keep everything.  Some things I've given away and it hasn't
been hard atall.   Some, I liked at the time but they aren't tugging at my heart now.  Off
they go to Goodwill  where I hope someone will enjoy them as I once did.  But this
so-called "junk" that three young men sneer at derisively, stitched lovingly by my dearest
friend of almost 45 years, a tiny elephant purchased for me in Covent Grden by a beloved
forensic nurse colleague ( now a PhD ) when we were on a trip to England, antique
elephants and strawberries sent to me by the wonderful couple I always stay with when
I visit England - these things are as dear to me as gold and I can't let them go.  Once I
finally make my departure from this earth, the boys will just have to get a dumpster and
enjoy tossing it all in with a hearty heave ho.  Sorry, kids, your old mom just isn't ready yet.

To show you how preoccupied all this moving stress is making me, I really goofed this
morning.  I was up early to take Jeremy to the train and had reached in the van to put
the key in the ignition., turning it and the heater on.  Somehow, I must have locked it
and didn't even notice the beep indicating that because the radio was blaring.  I went to
get my travel of coffee to find the van locked, keys inside and, of course we couldn't
locate the second set of keys.  Jeremy was not pleased and took off on the freeway
on his friend's motorcycle.  Thankfully, the CA Automobile Association arrived in
about fifteen minutes and, within one minute, had opened the door.  It's kind of scary
how quickly someone can get into your car.

My apologies because this is so totally disorganized - kind of like me right now.  I've
been sadly remiss about responding to comments.  I'll try to get to them as I so
appreciate hearing from all of you.I'm not a Scrooge but Christmas isn't high on the
agenda this year but I am sending warm and loving thoughts to all of you at this special season.